2008 Woodie Awards
Letters to people
Nick Dyshaw
Issue date: 10/1/08 Section: Humor
Dear Minivans,
I am writing this to clarify a few things about our love-hate relationship.
First, I hate you.
You are a giant jelly bean filled with nasty loud kids that I would severely like to kick. You have been cloned too many times and now have gone and made smaller warlock minions that cannot be classified as automobiles to continue your raid against the world. You have tricked Cougars into driving you abnormally slow and sporadically.
But I do like your older sister, the conversion van. That 15 passenger yacht can carry me home from Grandma's anytime it wants. Fully equipped with more features than a warehouse of Swiss army knives, I truly desire for my sober friend to buy you. So, although your family is tainted with bad blood, there may still be hope for us to move on.
Yearning for change,
Nick Dyshaw
I am writing this to clarify a few things about our love-hate relationship.
First, I hate you.
You are a giant jelly bean filled with nasty loud kids that I would severely like to kick. You have been cloned too many times and now have gone and made smaller warlock minions that cannot be classified as automobiles to continue your raid against the world. You have tricked Cougars into driving you abnormally slow and sporadically.
But I do like your older sister, the conversion van. That 15 passenger yacht can carry me home from Grandma's anytime it wants. Fully equipped with more features than a warehouse of Swiss army knives, I truly desire for my sober friend to buy you. So, although your family is tainted with bad blood, there may still be hope for us to move on.
Yearning for change,
Nick Dyshaw
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