2008 Woodie Awards
Wonders of a college education at UMD
John Brosius
Issue date: 10/1/08 Section: Humor
As we are all well aware, college is an extraordinary time in our lives. We treat move-in day like Christmas morning (under- and upperclassmen alike, for much different reasons however), and all feel like we are all going to be the next Van Wilder (even though this is most certainly not the case).
After all the excitement of finally being on your own has cleared, you start to realize that all that you think you learned in high school can pretty much get thrown out the window (with exception to the superfluous concepts of math, science and English, which you really don't use much anyway).
With that said, I write this article as a fourth year not-quite senior providing a service to profess four years of experience at UMD to my fellow students, who are taking their first feeble stabs at a higher education.
The term "weekend" holds a loose association. It used to mean Friday through Sunday, but now includes Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and most definitely Thursdays.
Professors will tell you to study two hours outside of class for every hour in class. What this really means is for every hour in class, study about a third that amount before the test.
If you have no idea what the Wild Ricing Moon is or why it's there, don't worry, no one else does either.
If you think you can park at a meter for a couple minutes and not pay, think again. I have it on good authority that parking enforcement are ex-Olympic sprinters, and enjoy nothing more than making you pay $12 for your deceitfulness.
UMD is in a state of perpetual construction. Get used to it.
DO NOT party in Junction. Nothing good has ever come from partying in Junction.
The UMDPD is not stupid. They know you are not 6 foot 3 inches and an organ donor from Arkansas (like it says on your ID), and what you are carrying in your backpack is not ginger ale.
As a freshman, you register last. Get used to classes like "Thinking About Weird Things" and "The Life and Death of Dinosaurs."
After all the excitement of finally being on your own has cleared, you start to realize that all that you think you learned in high school can pretty much get thrown out the window (with exception to the superfluous concepts of math, science and English, which you really don't use much anyway).
With that said, I write this article as a fourth year not-quite senior providing a service to profess four years of experience at UMD to my fellow students, who are taking their first feeble stabs at a higher education.
The term "weekend" holds a loose association. It used to mean Friday through Sunday, but now includes Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and most definitely Thursdays.
Professors will tell you to study two hours outside of class for every hour in class. What this really means is for every hour in class, study about a third that amount before the test.
If you have no idea what the Wild Ricing Moon is or why it's there, don't worry, no one else does either.
If you think you can park at a meter for a couple minutes and not pay, think again. I have it on good authority that parking enforcement are ex-Olympic sprinters, and enjoy nothing more than making you pay $12 for your deceitfulness.
UMD is in a state of perpetual construction. Get used to it.
DO NOT party in Junction. Nothing good has ever come from partying in Junction.
The UMDPD is not stupid. They know you are not 6 foot 3 inches and an organ donor from Arkansas (like it says on your ID), and what you are carrying in your backpack is not ginger ale.
As a freshman, you register last. Get used to classes like "Thinking About Weird Things" and "The Life and Death of Dinosaurs."
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